


Virtual Reality

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Humanstuck, Internet Friends, M/M, Multi, Rating May Change, dating sims, davekat and arafef are side ships in this, dumb skype names, eridan is fictional, sexual content in later chapters, sollux is a weeb, this is mainly just a dumb erisol au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6218935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux Captor is the self proclaimed biggest fan of semi-popular dating sim "Seaside Romance: Passion Kiss II", and just so happens to have the biggest crush on one of the characters, Eridan Ampora, despite him not actually being real. However, through the power of tumblr giveaways Sollux ends up inside the game, complete with a real-life Eridan Ampora. </p><p>The only problem is that Eridan just so happens to actually be a fucking asshole.</p><p>Nobody is surprised.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Parental Units and Tumblr Giveaways

_"Ah! Wwait, Sollux, you forgot your books!" Eridan yelled, running after you frantically. He grabbed your arm, disturbing your balance and tipping the both of you over, due to his momentum. He landed on top of you, panting with exertion, a faint blush on his pale cheekbones. Your books were strewn around you, and onlookers stared at the two of you in your compromising position. Your own cheeks heated up as you stared at his bespectacled violet eyes, and he blinked slowly at you, suddenly realising what had just happened._

_"S-shit, sorry Sollux! I didn't mean to-" He suddenly turns his attention to the onlookers, furrowing his brow. "Wwhat are you lot starin' at? Get outta here!" he barked, eyes blazing. The crowd slowly dissipated, leaving just the two of you alone. Together. Still, he did not move from his position, instead moving his gaze down to your lips. He slowly leant his head down, lips pursed, ready to connect with yours-_

A Skype message popped up on your screen, minimising the game window. You scowled, spitting out a few choice swears as you checked who it was. Karkat, of fucking course. How dare he interrupt the first kiss scene, that was your favourite part of the entire fucking game! You didn't buy the HD Limited Edition All-Scenes Unlocked version of, _Seaside Romance: Passion Kiss II_ JUST so you could be FUCKING interrupted in your FAVOURITE scene. You opened up the game again to check if the scene was still going, but you had missed it. The cutscene was over, and Eridan's sprite was just standing there, blushing, the text "Do you wwant to go on a date sometime?" written across the bottom of the screen. You exited the game, opened your Skype, and decided to give Karkat a little piece of your mind.

**69 ANGRY CRABS IN A TRENCHCOAT:** SOLLUX, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT STILL AWAKE AT THIS TIME. THAT LITTLE GREEN DOT NEXT TO YOUR NAME IS STARING ME IN THE FACE AND IT'S LIKE 3 IN THE FUCKING MORNING IN YOUR TIMEZONE. YOU'RE PLAYING THAT SHITTY WEEABO DATING SIM, AREN'T YOU?

You checked the time, and indeed it was three in the fucking morning. Huh. You guess time really did fly when you were romancing your husbando. Not like it mattered anyway, seeing as tomorrow was a Saturday, but Karkat really seemed to be pedantic over what time you went to sleep. Which was dumb as hell, seeing as the hypocritical motherfucker stayed awake all night in his timezone- you checked, he usually passed out around 4 am- so really he shouldn't be judging you for staying up this late.

**barry the bee and eriidan are my 2enpaii2:** what? no. where would you ever get that iidea. iits ab2olutely iimpo22iible that iim playiing 2ea2iide romance: pa22iion kii22 two. al2o, iim not a weeb, kk.  
**69 ANGRY CRABS IN A TRENCHCOAT:** YOUR SKYPE NAME IS LITERALLY "BARRY THE BEE AND ERIDAN ARE MY SENPAIS". HOW IS THAT NOT WEEBISH.

Well, he had you there.

**ii am not a weeb karkat you motherfucker:** now iit2 not.  
**SOLLUX CAPTOR IS THE FUCKING WEEB LORD:** GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP, WEEB LORD.  
**ii am not a weeb karkat you motherfucker:** what are you, my mom?  
**SOLLUX CAPTOR IS THE FUCKING WEEB LORD:** YOU DON'T HAVE A MOM.  
**ii am not a weeb karkat you motherfucker:** touché.  
**SOLLUX CAPTOR IS THE FUCKING WEEB LORD:** AND SEEING AS YOUR DADS SEEM TO BE UTTERLY INCOMPETENT IN THEIR PARENTING, WHAT WITH LETTING THEIR POOR INNOCENT CHILD STAY AWAKE IN THE DARKEST HOURS OF THE NIGHT, I WILL HAVE TO BE YOUR MOTHER NOW. I HAVE NO FUCKING CHOICE. CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND GO TO BED.  
**ii am not a weeb karkat you motherfucker:** fuck you, mom. 

**-SOLLUX CAPTOR IS THE FUCKING WEEB LORD** SLAM DUNKS SOLLUX INTO HIS BED.-

- **ii am not a weeb karkat you motherfucker** call2 chiild protectiive 2erviice2-

**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM:** HOW DARE YOU TURN AGAINST YOUR OWN MOTHER. I HAVE CARED FOR AND PROTECTED YOU SINCE YOU WERE A FUCKING MUTATED LUMP OF A LISPING BABY. MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH YOUR VEINS. I HELPED RAISE YOU INTO THE ASSHOLE YOU ARE. YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT, YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.  
**youre not my real mom:** all baby biird2 have to leave the ne2t 2ometiime, mother. now 2tay there untiil the cop2 come you abu2iive a22.  
**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM:** I'M TELLING YOUR FATHER ABOUT THIS.

A new group notification popped up on the side of your Skype, from a group named "SOLLUX CAPTOR'S PARENTAL UNITS". You clicked on it.

**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM** added **youre not my real mom**  to the group.

**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM:** DEAR HUSBAND, OUR CHILD IS ACTING UP AGAIN.  
**solluxs sexy dad:** should i take out the whip dearest  
**youre not my real mom:** kiinky.

**solluxs sexy dad**  takes off shades and winks suggestively

**youre not my real mom:** 2o dave, how2 the marriiage goiing?  
**solluxs sexy dad:** its going as well as can be expected when your wife is literally 69 angry crabs in a trenchcoat  
**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM:** YOU FLATTER ME.  
**solluxs sexy dad:** also just saying now both of you can call me daddy

You could practically hear Karkat screaming from the other side of the globe. You missed the guy- you had moved from New York to Seoul a year ago when your brother (who happened to live here) got into a horrible car accident and messed something up in his head. He now needed almost 24/7 surveillance, even though you knew perfectly well that he wasn't the innocent braindead baby everyone made him out to be. Once you turned eighteen- only in a couple months, thank god- you could get a plane ticket back to the USA and room with your uncle, and you'd finally be reunited with your best friend.

**youre not my real mom:** ew.

- **SOLLUX'S HOT MOM** STRANGLES DAVE TO DEATH-

**youre not my real mom:** 2ee what ii mean, dad? abu2iive. kk'2 a terriible mom.  
**solluxs sexy dad:** youre right son  
**solluxs sexy dad:** honestly i only married him for his choice ass  
**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM:** SHUT UP, YOU LOVE ME.  
**solluxs sexy dad:** yeah i do  
**solluxs sexy dad:** <3  
**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM:** <3

**-youre not my real mom** vomiit2-

**youre not my real mom:** get a room, you two. ii can practiically hear your 2appy niickname2 from acro22 the world.  
**solluxs sexy dad:** let me and my sweetums kiss you fucker  
**youre not my real mom:** oh god.  
**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM:** YEAH, LET ME AND MY SNOOKUMS HAVE OUR PRECIOUS MOMENTS OF TRUE LOVE.  
**youre not my real mom:** OH GOD.  
**solluxs sexy dad:** honeybunch  
**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM:** SWEETIEPIE.  
**youre not my real mom:** OKAY FIINE KK YOU WIIN IILL GO TWO 2LEEP HOLY FUCK JU2T 2TOP!!  
**SOLLUX'S HOT MOM:** GOODNIGHT, WEEBLORD.

You didn't go to sleep. 

You just exited Skype (you should have done that before, but you had forgotten that Skype didn't close when you pressed the 'X', just minimised. That was shitty coding right there, folks.) and went on Tumblr instead. Two new people had followed your blog, bringing it up to a whopping 413 followers. Sure, comparatively that might not be that much- Dave somehow had over ten thousand followers on his shitty comic blog, and more on his main, a fact that had irritated and confused both you and Karkat- but to be fair that was practically everyone in your main fandom. Your main fandom being, of course, the _Seaside Romance_ dating sims. You had managed to snag the canon url "eridanampora", which you were more than happy about. 

You scrolled through the posts on your dashboard, reblogging a few pictures of your fictional crush as well as a few humour posts. You scrolled past the majority of it, though- some posts were shit you didn't care about from people who you were too lazy to unfollow once you changed fandoms, some posts were just pretty aesthetics, some were guilt-trippers which you didn't want to pass on to your followers, and some were just shit in general. You did learn that _Seaside Romance's_ creator, _Whatpumpkin Studios,_  had released a giveaway on it's official Tumblr blog. A random fan would be chosen to receive an exclusive edition of the game featuring the winning fan as the playable character. And there was only an hour left to enter.

You scrambled to reblog it, and clicked on the link in the post, quickly entering down your details and experiences as a fan of the _Seaside Romance_ series. You were determined to prove that you, Sollux Captor, was the biggest _Seaside Romance_ fan EVER. You finished typing up your gargantuan essay-like list of reasons you should win just barely two minutes until the deadline, and you hit the button to enter triumphantly. You were going to win this thing for sure. As soon as they read your reasoning, you'd have a whole new game full of Eridan to obsess over. Fuck. Yeah. 

The only problem was that it was now 4 in the morning, and a headache was starting to form behind your forehead. Staying up late was a bitch, especially staying up late gazing at a small computer screen in the dark. You finally decided to take Karkat's advice, closing your computer and stumbling towards your bed, not even bothering to change out of your shirt and jeans. As soon as your head hit the pillow, you were out like a light.


	2. Cherry Blossoms and Crushed Expectations

The alarm clock next to you jolted you awake with a charming rendition of the English dub of  _Sakura Kiss,_  waking you from your deep sleep. You groaned, checking the time displayed on your phone- 7:00 am. Fuck, you must have forgotten to turn it off for the weekend. You groaned, rubbing your eyes and fully intending to go back the fuck to sleep, but it seemed like fate had other plans for you. You curled back into bed when you noticed that you actually had to piss. It turns out downing two litres of Mountain Dew before sleep wasn't such a good idea after all.  
  
You rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand, sitting up groggily. Once you stood up, there was no going back. That was always a weird habit with you- the moment you stood up from your bed, you were completely and absolutely unable to get back to sleep again. You either slept like a log the whole night or you got up to take a piss or something and laid awake for the rest of the night, playing Flappy Bird or Geometry Dash on your phone. Well, here goes nothing.  
  
You stood up, stumbling out your room and into the bathroom. Once you were done with your business, you decided to get yourself something to wake you up. With any luck, your dads hadn't finally depleted the coffee supply down into the negatives. You staggered into the kitchen, your grand total of three hours of sleep doing remarkable things for your agility. Dad One was already in there, cup of ever-present coffee on the table in front of him and travel brochure in the other. Dad One, or Lee to people who weren't his children (alternatively "Honeylee" to your other dad) was apparently trying to plan a trip to... you squinted to read the text on the front of the brochure. New Zealand. Good luck with that, Dad.  
  
You grabbed the thankfully still half-filled coffee jug off the kitchen table, pouring it into a mug decorated with small painted bees. It was technically Mituna's cup, but frankly you didn't give a flying fuck about that. You just needed something to wake you up. You downed it all in two gulps, the bitter taste of the coffee combining horribly with the taste of your morning breath. Dad One looked up from his brochure for a moment to give you a bright smile.  
  
"Sollux, did you sleep in those clothes all night?" he asked, gesturing to your outfit with a honey-covered butter knife. You simply grunted back at him, rummaging through the pantry for something to eat, before just settling on a poptart. You'd worry about a proper meal after you'd given yourself the time for the caffeine to sink in. As you microwaved it, your other dad stumbled inside the kitchen, making a bee-line for the coffee. His hair was mussed and you could make out the faint imprint of a keyboard against one side of his face. Looks like someone fell asleep at the computer again.  
  
Dad Two slumped down next to Dad One, sipping his coffee and clearly trying not to pass out all over his husband. You could relate, minus the husband bit. If there was one phrase to describe your dads, it would be "Opposites Attract". Dad One was outdoorsy, sporty, and worked as a nature photographer. Dad Two was a web designer who spent his entire life in his office and probably hasn't seen the sun for twelve years. Strangely enough, it was Dad Two's habits that spread through your family, despite Dad One's best attempts to get you or Mituna interested in camping.  
  
The microwave beeped, signifying that your poptart was now ready for you to scarf down. Dad Two winced at the sound, and attempted to bury his head in his hands. Poor guy probably had a migraine. You shuffled out of the kitchen, poptart in hand, and you slumped down into your desk chair, devouring your breakfast in a couple seconds. You booted up your laptop, and after you had inputted the password an email notification popped up. You read the text on the screen, jaw dropping open in shock.  
  
From:  **a.hussie@whatpumpkin.com**  
To:  **kii22kii22falliinlove@gmail.com  
  
**_Sollux.  
_  
_WhatPumpkin studios is happy to inform you that you have won the_ Seaside Romance: Passion Kiss II  _giveaway. On rare occasions us gods are known to grant wishes, and today is your lucky day! You have now entered the universe of semi-popular dating sim,_ Seaside Romance: Passion Kiss II,  _and will remain in this universe for a period of 2 months. Have a good stay! Your first class starts at 9:00, dreadfully sorry to have skipped your weekend._  
  
_Andrew Hussie, this Galaxy's God._  
  
Well... that was confusing, to say the least. What was all this talk about gods? It was too early for this shit, but you figured this probably meant you had won the giveaway? Sweet. But, something was nagging at you. You clicked on the little clock down the bottom of your screen, and gasped when the popup revealed it was 7:39 of Monday morning. Holy. Fucking. Shit.  
  
Well, there's a first for everything. Maybe this is just a weird sort of hallucinated fever dream caused by sleep deprivation?Yeah, that had to be it. You booted up Skype, only to find Karkat's contact erased from your account. Same with Dave's. What the fuck? You were sort of half expecting the hidden cameras to be revealed and someone to burst out from underneath your bed to tell you that you had just been the victim of the weirdest and most convoluted prank in existance.  
  
Instead of your regular contact list, instead there was just one contact, called  **ap0calypse arisen**.  
  
**twiin armageddon2:** who the fuck are you?  
**ap0calypse arisen:** ap0l0gies f0r this  
**ap0calypse arisen:** y0u must be h0rribly c0nfused 0_0  
**twiin armageddon2:** yeah no 2hiit 2herlock.  
**ap0calypse arisen:** my name is aradia and i shall be y0ur guide  
  
... Wait, Aradia? As in, Aradia Megido, the tutorial girl? The one who showed you the basics and the interface of _Seaside Romance: Passion Kiss II_? This was way too much bullshit for one day. The bullshit meter had officially gone off the fucking charts. It had gotten to the point where you couldn't actually muster up the energy to be surprised by anything anymore. Your computer could explode right now and you'd probably just shrug and go play video games in the living room.  
  
**twiin armageddon2:** iim 2tiill dreamiing, aren't ii?  
**ap0calypse arisen:** n0  
**ap0calypse arisen:** dreaming pe0ple usually cant read  
**ap0calypse arisen:** 0r feel pain  
**ap0calypse arisen:** y0u can pinch y0urself if you want  
  
You did. Ouch.  
  
**twiin armageddon2:** alriight, iim not dreamiing, but thii2 ii2 all 2tiill bull2hiit. am ii beiing punked?  
**ap0calypse arisen:** n0  
**twiin armageddon2:** prove iit.  
**ap0calypse arisen:** 0kay  
**ap0calypse arisen:** 0h w0uld y0u l00k at the time  
**ap0calypse arisen:** have fun at sch00l s0llux  
  
You were about to shrug this whole thing off and check on some of your favourite forums, when you noticed the little clock down the bottom of your scream was now proudly displaying "8:40 am". You hadn't been talking to Aradia for an hour, had you? There was no fucking way. You opened up Skype again, only to see that Aradia had sent you a map of some sort, and directions from your house to a school of some sorts, with the message "g00d luck" scrawled along the bottom.  
  
Someone started banging on your door.  
  
"Sollux, it's almost nine! Are you still up there? You're going to be late for school!" Dad One yelled, and you stood up, walking over to the doorway and opening it. Dad One stared up at you (he had always been quite short), and shoved your backpack into your hands. Okay then. He grabbed your hand, dragging you down the stairs and down the hallway, and then pushed you out of the door.  
  
"Have fun at school!" he said, then slammed the door behind you. You rummaged through your pockets for your phone, opening Skype and pulling up the map Aradia had sent you. Welp, this is complete and utter bullshit, but you might as well roll with it. If you were really trapped in some sort of anime land, what's the worst that could happen? You'd get blinded by sakura petals? You'd stab yourself on some guy's chin? You'd get crushed by yaoi hands? You'd get killed by a yandere?  
  
... Okay, maybe there were a bunch of bad things that could happen. But unless you dyed your hair white, you'd probably be okay. You walked down the streets of your suburb, trying your hardest to follow Aradia's directions. You didn't want to end up in an alley somewhere, shanked by a schoolgirl because you looked at her senpai too often.   
  
It was twenty minutes before you made it to the school, a normal looking establishment, despite the copious amounts of cherry blossom trees blooming in the courtyard. You hurried inside, and another Skype notification popped up- this time your school schedule. It looked like you had History first? Luckily, the class seemed close to where you were right now. Before you knew it, you were in the class, and you plopped down into a seat near the back.  
  
Several other students had already entered the class, none of which seemed very interesting, despite the fact that you had never seen any of them before in your life. Also, around half of them were sporting either oddly coloured eyes or bright, vibrant hair. You massaged your temples with your hands. If this really was some sort of prank, whoever played it must have had extreme dedication. You heard giggling somewhere in front of you, and you looked up to see a girl with bright pink hair and matching eyes staring down at you. You instantly recognised her to be Feferi Peixes, the player character for  _Seaside Romance: Passion Kiss II_.  
  
"Hey there! I don't think I've  _sea_ n you around her bef _oar_ , are you a transfer student?" she chirped, jewelry jangling around her neck and wrists. You opened your mouth to reply, when someone walked up to Feferi and tugged on her arm.  
  
"Fef, wwho's this?"  
  
Holy fuck, it was Eridan Ampora. Eridan  _fucking_ Ampora. Eridan Caligula Ampora ( _Mizushima Akihiko_ in the Japanese version), 6'0", son of Donovan and Cordelia Ampora, leader of the Drama Club, and your biggest fictional crush. And he was standing right in front of you. You thought you might just pass out in shock. He was even prettier in real life- the graphics of the game had failed to include the faint smattering of freckles along his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, or the long eyelashes attached to his shining violet eyes. And his lips, oh god, you loved the sharpness of his cupid's bow and his plump lower lip, just begging to be bruised by your kisses-  
  
"Alright, wweirdo, you can stop starin' at me noww," he said, brow furrowing and lips curling into a frown. He tugged on Feferi's arm again, harsher this time.  
  
"Oh Eridan, he's probably just a bit  _shell_ shocked! You know how it is with transfer students, he probably can't even understand your accent, poor  _fin,_ " Feferi reassured him, giving you a bright smile.  
  
"Wwell he better learn an' soon, I hate transfers. Alwways bumblin' around an' half a 'em can't read the fuckin' timetable. C'mon, let's not wwaste our time on him." Finally Feferi gave into Eridan's arm pulling, and allowed him to drag her off to the front of the class.  
  
Well, you had certainly been shocked to find your fictional crush staring you in the face.  
  
But you were even more shocked to find out that apparently, he was also a giant fucking asshole.  
  
This was going to be a long two months.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to personally thank the song "Sakura Kiss" for being there for me when I replayed it over and over again while writing this.


End file.
